Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.

A Buttigieg dance was tweeted this week, and it’s not helping Mayor Pete’s campaign.

Good god pic.twitter.com/uZLhMW1PIY

— Secular Talk (@KyleKulinski) November 4, 2019

They’re even clapping on one and three. This is just embarrassing.

Verdict: We’re probably not doomed, because this isn’t going to make anyone vote Buttigieg. Yikes.

Is this worse, though?

The 1996 DNC is basically what I imagine hell to look likepic.twitter.com/xtoxcBjYzb

— Samuel D. Finkelstein II (@CANCEL_SAM) November 5, 2019

Verdict: We’re not doomed, because Hillary lost. To Donald Trump. That will be funny forever.

After releasing sausage-scented wrapping paper last Christmas, Jimmy Dean has announced they’re making candy canes that taste like breakfast sausage this year.

Verdict: Unclear. Doomed if anyone buys them, safe and sound if nobody does.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside is one of the cutest songs in the world, despite woke scolds and other miserable people trying to ruin it every. Single. Christmas.

Now, woke scolds and miserable people John Legend and Kelly Clarkson have released a new version with boring lyrics.

Verdict: Totally doomed.

Hallmark Christmas movies are here! There are nearly 200 now (including 24 premieres in 2019), and I’ve watched 14 of them in the past couple of weeks.

Verdict: Christmas spirit is everything, and the popularity of Hallmark’s Christmas movies tells me we’re not doomed at all.

If there’s anything I love as much as Christmas, it’s probably dogs. Fargo Brewing Company, a craft brewery in North Dakota, is featuring adoptable dogs on their cans to help puppers find their forever homes.

Verdict: As long as we have dogs to love us, we’re going to be ok.


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